In my own family, two of my sons have mixed marriages. In some cases the two cultures meld and combine their different customs and in other cases, it will be strictly one way or the other. How is the best way to handle this sometimes delicate situation? Is it a decision made by the wedding couple or one made by the parents?
It is often the Asian parents who decide on whether the wedding will be American or one with their own customs since they have more strongly held traditions than do most North Americans. This may not be the case if they live in North America. But if the parents still live in Korea, they will be considerably more attached to their customs.
The ancient Korean customs of the groom travelling to the bride's house on horseback before the wedding and of the bride being transported back to the groom's house by sedan chair to live three days after the wedding, obviously is not done anymore. Nowadays there is a mix of Korean customs with some of the Western wedding traditions incorporated as was the case with my one son and daughter-in-law.
In times past also, the bride as well as the bride and groom's mothers wore hanboks consisting of a short jacket, long skirt and pantaloons. And the groom wore loose fitting trousers with a long colorful overcoat known as a gwanbok with a black hat. Nowadays it is more common for the bride and groom to wear the traditional western bridal clothes of white wedding gown for the bride and tuxedo for the groom as my son and daughter-in-law did. However, Korean customs were observed to the degree that the bride's mother and myself both wore the traditional hanboks.
Other Korean customs often observed is the exchange of gifts between the bride and groom prior to the wedding; gifts given by the bride's family to the significant kin of the groom; gifts of cash from the groom's kin to the bride, and gifts from the bride's family to the groom's friends. There is also an exchange of food and wine between both families, ritual silk given by the bride to the groom's significant kin and a gift box delivered to the bride's house the night before the wedding by friends of the groom. These customs were not observed in our case.
The most common gift for the couple is cash. Weddings are usually large with often the bride and groom not knowing many of their guests. The Korean goal is to have as many people at the wedding as possible to let it be known that the wedding is of import. Often the cash wedding gifts given at the wedding are given to the parents to help pay for the wedding. The exception to this are cash wedding gifts from close friends given directly to the wedding couple.
Following the official wedding festivities, there may be another ceremony called Pyebaek for the family members only. It is a time when the bride formally greets her new parents-in-law and food and drink are offered. This is the time the bride and groom will wear the traditional Korean wedding clothes as my son and daughter-in-law did. The custom also says that the groom will piggy-back his mother and his wife around which symbolizes his acceptance of his obligations to both of them. My son piggy-backed his wife but I declined. At this time the groom's family give cash in envelopes to the bride. The same is repeated with the bride's parents. Also both sets of parents throw chestnuts and dates into a decorated apron held by the bride and groom which they will catch. The amount of chestnuts they catch signifies the girl children they will have and the dates signify boy children.
If the Korean family have lived in the United States or Canada for some time, and particularly if their offspring is North American born, chances are the wedding will include more of the western customs and the bride and groom themselves will make the majority of the decisions regarding their wedding. This was the case with my other son and daughter-in-law.
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